Carpe Deum
by fishy213
Summary: Hermione's life is in tatters, as usual. Who does she turn to? Everyone's favorite Head Boy, of course. HGDM


3

The first literary collaboration between smokedsalmon and creamcheese.

Disclaimer: We own nothing. That's right—absolutely nothing. Ni!

Hermione had to admit that it was good to be back at Platform 9 and 3/4, waiting for her final year at Hogwarts to begin. She just wished that things were starting off a bit better. Sure, she was Head Girl, but who was the Head Boy? It was an issue that weighed heavily on her mind. What if he didn't care about rule-enforcement? What if he didn't do his homework? What if he was (gasp) a Slytherin? And that was only the least of her worries.

Hermione and Ron had gotten together at the beginning of the summer. They and Harry had been allowed to stay at Grimmauld Place the whole vacation, and it was only natural that she and Ron, who had always been somewhat attracted to each other, would get together. They hadn't told Harry of course, because it would only make things strange between the three of them, plus the fact that Harry was having problems of his own. He seemed a bit preoccupied with Sirius's death, despite the year and a half that had elapsed, and remained convinced that the whole incident had been his fault. Hermione and Ron had trouble talking to Harry, and their friendship was gradually deteriorating.

Ron was also starting to grate on her a little. Being a teenage boy, he was obsessed with sex, and had taken to attempting to seduce her every time they were in the same room. She wasn't particularly fond of the idea of sleeping with him, especially since she certainly had no intention of spending the rest of her life with him, and he really wasn't all that appealing when he was "in the mood." She had been contemplating breaking up with him, but didn't want to hurt his feelings, and so was putting off the inevitable discussion.

"What a life," she thought. "I have no real friends anymore, Voldemort is still out there, and Harry is incapable of doing anything about it in his present condition. And even worse, NEWTS are this year!"

Not that she didn't look forward to having a good excuse to bury her head in books all day. And considering the way Harry and Ron were acting—well, if nothing else, this year would certainly be interesting.

At that moment those aforementioned friends appeared into view with their entourage. Ron appeared to be explaining something excitedly to his less-than-amused sister, while Mrs. Weasley fell a bit behind, tugging Harry's cloak and giving him reassuring words (right this way dear, oh, now don't you say that, you did your best). By the time they all reached Hermione, she could see that Mrs. Weasley's patience was clearly wearing thin, and she seemed relieved to be able to hand Harry off to Hermione.

Ron, thinking Hermione might appreciate his story more than Ginny had, immediately began to tell her about his new plan for the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

"Some things never change," she thought to herself. She was pulled out of her brief daze by a tug on her shoulder.

"I didn't mean it, I swear! But now he's gone. He's DEAD! And it's all my fault!"

"Yes, Harry. I mean, NO Harry, it wasn't your fault!" Lord this was difficult.

Mrs. Weasley turned to Hermione and Ginny. "Well if you're all set, I think I'll just pop back home. Your father will be wanting his, er, lunch. Wouldn't want to keep him waiting." She smiled anxiously and then hurried in the other direction before disapparating out of sight.

Ginny confirmed Hermione's suspicions. "Mum's been quite worried about Harry; we all are, it's just… it gets a little old. You're really lucky you got away to spend some time with your parents."

Hermione nodded in agreement. "Oh wonderful, look who's coming. The Great Ferret himself."

"Oooh! And looking even more stunning than usual!"

"Ginny! I'll tell Ron!"

Ginny shot her a look of desperation. "You wouldn't dare…"

Hermione snickered. "Oh, I've got to keep myself amused somehow."

Malfoy had indeed started sauntering in their direction. "He never actually walks normally, does he?" mused Hermione. He certainly had the aristocratic swagger perfected. It was actually rather attractive, now that she came to think of it. Wait…no it wasn't. What was she talking about? He was arrogant and hideous, just like he'd always been. And, like usual, he was approaching them only to make some kind of jibe at Ron's family, or Hermione's bloodline, or Harry's… harryness. Ugh. Didn't he have something better to do with his time?

"Look who it is—Pothead and his little gang. Come back to try to save the world again, oh Boy-Who-Can't-Seem-To-Get-It-Right? Didn't seem to work too well last time, did it?" Right on cue.

"IT WAS ALL MY FAULT! I didn't mean to kill him, really. He died, though. Plop—through the veil, and that was it. All because of me. Hee hee. All my fault…" Harry broke off, looking suddenly panicked. Well, more panicked than he usually did. Malfoy was actually a bit flustered himself. He even lost that characteristic Malfoy smirk for a split second to look shocked before he pulled it back together.

"What's up with Potter?" he asked, turning to Ron with a rare lack of disdain.

"Harry's…well, he's going through a tough time right now. We're all a bit fed up with it, to tell you the truth. Having to follow him around stopping him from confessing to perfect strangers, stopping his panic attacks in the middle of dinner. I tell you…" he broke off, looking disgusted with himself. "Oh, just bugger off, Malfoy."

Malfoy buggered off. Hermione thought it had been one of the more surreal exchanges of her life. No wonder the little ferret left without a single biting comment.

"Rather nice view of his arse, don't you think?" Ginny whispered to Hermione.

"Shut up, won't you." She countered. That girl was getting on her nerves.


End file.
